Forget about but, repent and do not wait for an instant answer.
Why ask for forgiveness
Our brain believes that we are always right. Recognition of your own error creates cognitive dissonance. It seems to us that we will look weak, our self -esteem suffers. And we are trying to make excuses at all costs.
But mistakes do everything, they cannot be avoided. Therefore, asking for forgiveness is normal. And useful.
Repentance and peacekeeping gestures help you get rid of negative emotions. And, of course, keep relationships. Studies show that sincere apologies encourage people to forgive offenders.
When to ask for forgiveness
You have something to apologize for
Lifehacker already wrote, for which there is no need to ask for forgiveness. However, in some cases you will still have to apologize:
- You have not fulfilled a promise.
- You hurt another person.
- You insulted someone’s feelings.
- You ruined someone else’s thing.
- You late.
Of course, you have to step over yourself only if you want to rectify the situation and value relationships with a person.
You really feel guilty
Before you apologize, think: whether you are true and regret the incident?
Do not ask for forgiveness if you do not feel guilty and regret. This will negatively affect self -esteem and self -confidence.
So soberly evaluate each specific situation, the consequences of your actions, the severity of the deed.
You are ready to change
Ask for forgiveness, if you are sure that you get better, the conflict will no longer be repeated. You will not be able to constantly apologize for the same act: sooner or later you will be turned out.
How to ask for forgiveness correctly
Prepare the plan
Think about what and how you will say. As the 2016 study showed, the most effective apologies consist of six components:
- The expression of regret.
- Explanation of the reason.
- Recognition of personal responsibility for the deed.
- Repentance.
- Offer of ways to solve the problem (error correction).
- A request for forgiveness.
Interestingly, the components are not equal in importance. The participants in the study focused on the third paragraph. As mentioned above, the recognition of its mistake is painful for a person. That is why it is important for the victim to know that you are ready to go to this and resolve the conflict.
Among the least important are an explanation of the reason, since it is often more like a common excuse.
Ask for forgiveness at the meeting in private. Choose a calm place where no one will disturb you.
Just take your time. If you ask for forgiveness during the conflict or immediately after it, apologies will seem insincere: emotions are too strong. Wait until everyone calms down and think about what happened.
Follow the rules
Dry, carelessly abandoned “sorry” not enough. But you don’t need to be too zealous either. In addition, there are no guarantees that you will be forgiven, there is no. Therefore, prepare and observe simple rules.
- Be sincere. Show that you actually regret what happened.
- Do not make excuses. You are to blame. Dot. Do not anger the interlocutor, trying to throw responsibility.
- Do not use any but. They will automatically turn your apology into justification or even criticism of the interlocutor.
- Focus on what you did. “I’m sorry that my words hurt you!”-not very much like a sincere apology, is it so? Ask for forgiveness for your actions, and not for how a person perceived them. For example: “I’m sorry that he called you a bad specialist. I’m sorry. This will not happen again “.
- Do not throw the blame on others. If there are several offenders, do not focus on this.
- Do not regret it myself. First of all, you should think about the feelings of the offended, and not about your. Express regret, but do not paint your suffering.
- Do not wait for instant forgiveness and do not crush. The phrase “Well, I apologized already 15 times!”Forget. Sometimes the victim needs time.
- Confirm the words with actions. Correct the error if you promise, and do not repeat it. Otherwise, there is no point in your apology.
Take care of yourself
Remember that the recognition of the mistake and the request for forgiveness does not make you weak. To cross yourself and take responsibility for the harm caused, you must have the courage. Perhaps you can even benefit from this – learn to think about actions.
Why ask for forgiveness
Our brain believes that we are always right. Recognition of your own error creates cognitive dissonance. It seems to us that we will look weak, our self -esteem suffers. And we are trying to make excuses at all costs.
But mistakes do everything, they cannot be avoided. Therefore, asking for forgiveness is normal. And useful.
Repentance and peacekeeping gestures help you get rid of negative emotions. And, of course, keep relationships. Studies show that sincere apologies encourage people to forgive offenders.
When to ask for forgiveness
You have something to apologize for
Lifehacker already wrote, for which there is no need to ask for forgiveness. However, in some cases you will still have to apologize:
- You have not fulfilled a promise.
- You hurt another person.
- You insulted someone’s feelings.
- You ruined someone else’s thing.
- You late.
Of course, you have to step over yourself only if you want to rectify the situation and value relationships with a person.
You really feel guilty
Before you apologize, think: whether you are true and regret the incident?
Do not ask for forgiveness if you do not feel guilty and regret. This will negatively affect self -esteem and self -confidence.
So soberly evaluate each specific situation, the consequences of your actions, the severity of the deed.
You are ready to change
Ask for forgiveness, if you are sure that you get better, the conflict will no longer be repeated. You will not be able to constantly apologize for the same act: sooner or later you will be turned out.
How to ask for forgiveness correctly
Prepare the plan
Think about what and how you will say. As the 2016 study showed, the most effective apologies consist of six components:
- The expression of regret.
- Explanation of the reason.
- Recognition of personal responsibility for the deed.
- Repentance.
- Offer of ways to solve the problem (error correction).
- A request for forgiveness.
Interestingly, the components are not equal in importance. The participants in the study focused on the third paragraph. As mentioned above, the recognition of its mistake is painful for a person. That is why it is important for the victim to know that you are ready to go to this and resolve the conflict.
Among the least important are an explanation of the reason, since it is often more like a common excuse.
Ask for forgiveness at the meeting in private. Choose a calm place where no one will disturb you.
Just take your time. If you ask for forgiveness during the conflict or immediately after it, apologies will seem insincere: emotions are too strong. Wait until everyone calms down and think about what happened.
Follow the rules
Dry, carelessly abandoned “sorry” not enough. But you don’t need to be too zealous either. In addition, there are no guarantees that you will be forgiven, there is no. Therefore, prepare and observe simple rules.
- Be sincere. Show that you actually regret what happened.
- Do not make excuses. You are to blame. Dot. Do not anger the interlocutor, trying to throw responsibility.
- Do not use any but. They will automatically turn your apology into justification or even criticism of the interlocutor.
- Focus on what you did. “I’m sorry that my words hurt you!”-not very much like a sincere apology, is it so? Ask for forgiveness for your actions, and not for how a person perceived them. For example: “I’m sorry that he called you a bad specialist. I’m sorry. This will not happen again “.
- Do not throw the blame on others. If there are several offenders, do not focus on this.
- Do not regret it myself. First of all, you should think about the feelings of the offended, and not about your. Express regret, but do not paint your suffering.
- Do not wait for instant forgiveness and do not crush. The phrase “Well, I apologized already 15 times!”Forget. Sometimes the victim needs time.
- Confirm the words with actions. Correct the error if you promise, and do not repeat it. Otherwise, there is no point in your apology.
Take care of yourself
Remember that the recognition of the mistake and the request for forgiveness does not make you weak. To cross yourself and take responsibility for the harm caused, you must have the courage. Perhaps you can even benefit from this – learn to think about actions.