Together with a child psychologist, we analyze ways to do this without stress and screams.
When it’s time to move the child to a separate bed
The sleep of a baby with a nursing mother is considered a good practice that is useful for the mental state of the child. However, this is true only if it is convenient for parents.
The specialist in children’s sleep Richard Ferber in his book claims that for 25 years of work he has not discovered the unconditional advantages of joint or separate sleep. He writes that any mode will be correct, while you are comfortable and everything goes well.
But even if you and your child get enough sleep and both partners are satisfied with this state of affairs, sooner or later you will have to move the baby to a separate bed.
Child psychologist.
It is better to do this before the crisis of three years – the period of active separation, which begins for about two years and ends in 3-3.5 years. By this time, as a rule, a sucking reflex is dying out: children throw nipples and, if they are still on breastfeeding, refuse the chest.
Ksenia says that you should not delay the resettlement, since a joint dream at a late age can overexcite the child, and in the future to negatively affect the ability to learning. In addition, after three years, such a dream can negatively affect the ability to perceive themselves separately from parents, the ability to calm down and express emotions not only through the body.
How to choose the best moment for the resettlement of a child
Regardless of age, the transition to a separate bed and even more so the room is stress for the child. In order not to increase anxiety, you should choose the most calm time for this, free from other significant changes.
It is desirable that the transition to separate sleep does not coincide with the following events:
- the birth of brothers and sisters;
- The beginning of a visit to the kindergarten;
- moving;
- departure of one of the parents.
Ksenia Nesyutina advises to send his child to his bed a few months earlier or later. For example, if the family is planned to be added, it is better to do this before the appearance of its new member, so that the baby can adapt. It is also worth considering his physical health and mental state.
Ksenia Nesyutina
If the child is in a very unstable state-every half hour goes into resistance, screams, cries-it is undesirable to introduce something new.
How to prepare for the transition of the child to a separate bed
First, discuss future events with your partner. If one of you insists on the resettlement of the child, and the second is horrified by the thought that you have to sleep separately from the baby, the move is unlikely to go smoothly.
It is important that both parents agree with the decision and support one position. Therefore, first agree on how you will act, and only then tell the decision to the child.
After you talked about changes, try to attract the baby to the process. For example, with it, choose a bed or bedding. This will help him perceive the event in a more positive way, although it does not guarantee that everything will go smoothly.
The kid can delight with a new bed in the form of a machine or a princess castle, but when the night comes, flatly refuse to move there. To do without screams and tears, accustom your child to a new place gradually.
How to help a child adapt to a new place
First of all, it is important to preserve all the rituals that were before the transition to a separate sleep. Dressing into pajamas, cleaning toys, reading a fairy tale at night – no matter what you do before the department, be sure to repeat it in the same order.
After you laid the child, stay nearby until it falls asleep. You can lie down with it, if the size of the bed allows, or get nearby, so that in case of anxiety or tears, take by the hand, stroke and reassure.
The terms of adaptation of the child depend on age. Ksenia Nesyutina says that two -year -old kids may need several months to get used to the new bed. More adult children can get used to it earlier – in a few weeks.
When a child gets used to a new place, try to leave him for a while before he falls.
Ksenia Nesyutina
We sat with him for 15 minutes, then say: “That’s it, we will go brush your teeth, and for now, fall asleep”. After a while, return and look, whether he fell asleep or not. If everything went well, gradually increase the intervals of your absence.
The child must give the opportunity to calm down not due to the real presence of the mother, but thanks to her thoughts about her. And gradually the baby will learn to fall asleep on his own.
What problems can arise and how to deal with them
Each case is individual, but there are several common problems that parents often face.
The child cannot fall asleep without bodily contact
Ksenia Nesyutina says that many parents are not used to reassuring the child emotionally. If consolation always occurs through bodily contact – breastfeeding, hugs, swing on the handles – the baby gets used to the physical channel of reassurance and cannot switch to emotional.
And if infants really need touches, then at 3-4 years you may have enough of your presence and a soothing voice.
To teach the baby to cope without your mother’s hands and chest, review your ways of comfort.
If the child is upset, do not rush to grab him in his arms and give a pacifier or bottle. First, try to reassure in words or distract, and only if this does not work, go to the usual methods.
The child falls asleep for a very long time
Ksenia says that this problem is most often associated with insufficient rituals before going to bed. This is an important component of the regime that helps the child calm down and tune in to sleep.
Here are a few cases that can become part of the ritual:
- Ate the baby. Some children sleep well after water procedures, others, on the contrary, are excited from games in water. Try to arrange a bathing before going to bed and see how it will affect your child’s condition.
- Prepare the room. Turn off the light, and if the darkness scares the baby, buy a nightlight. You can also include quiet calm music or white noise.
- Dress the child into pajamas.
- Make a little massage. Light stroking and rubbing can reassure the child.
- Let the baby lay the toys to sleep or just wish them good night.
- Read the fairy tale. Choose small books so that reading takes a certain period of time. As an option – come up with your own stories, it is very exciting.
- Hug and kiss the child at night.
When choosing rituals, it is important that they are performed regularly and at the same time, and you also like both you and the child.
It is also worth taking care of what the baby will be busy in the evening – even before you start cooking it for bed. Somewhere an hour before going to bed, exclude outdoor games, tickling, running and other activity. Turn off cartoons and games on the ph1.
It is better to take a child with calm classes, for example, modeling, sorting figures or folding puzzles.
Write about your experience of transition to individual sleep in the comments.
When it’s time to move the child to a separate bed
The sleep of a baby with a nursing mother is considered a good practice that is useful for the mental state of the child. However, this is true only if it is convenient for parents.
The specialist in children’s sleep Richard Ferber in his book claims that for 25 years of work he has not discovered the unconditional advantages of joint or separate sleep. He writes that any mode will be correct, while you are comfortable and everything goes well.
But even if you and your child get enough sleep and both partners are satisfied with this state of affairs, sooner or later you will have to move the baby to a separate bed.
Child psychologist.
It is better to do this before the crisis of three years – the period of active separation, which begins for about two years and ends in 3-3.5 years. By this time, as a rule, a sucking reflex is dying out: children throw nipples and, if they are still on breastfeeding, refuse the chest.
Ksenia says that you should not delay the resettlement, since a joint dream at a late age can overexcite the child, and in the future to negatively affect the ability to learning. In addition, after three years, such a dream can negatively affect the ability to perceive themselves separately from parents, the ability to calm down and express emotions not only through the body.
How to choose the best moment for the resettlement of a child
Regardless of age, the transition to a separate bed and even more so the room is stress for the child. In order not to increase anxiety, you should choose the most calm time for this, free from other significant changes.
It is desirable that the transition to separate sleep does not coincide with the following events:
- the birth of brothers and sisters;
- The beginning of a visit to the kindergarten;
- moving;
- departure of one of the parents.
Ksenia Nesyutina advises to send his child to his bed a few months earlier or later. For example, if the family is planned to be added, it is better to do this before the appearance of its new member, so that the baby can adapt. It is also worth considering his physical health and mental state.
Ksenia Nesyutina
If the child is in a very unstable state-every half hour goes into resistance, screams, cries-it is undesirable to introduce something new.
How to prepare for the transition of the child to a separate bed
First, discuss future events with your partner. If one of you insists on the resettlement of the child, and the second is horrified by the thought that you have to sleep separately from the baby, the move is unlikely to go smoothly.
It is important that both parents agree with the decision and support one position. Therefore, first agree on how you will act, and only then tell the decision to the child.
After you talked about changes, try to attract the baby to the process. For example, with it, choose a bed or bedding. This will help him perceive the event in a more positive way, although it does not guarantee that everything will go smoothly.
The kid can delight with a new bed in the form of a machine or a princess castle, but when the night comes, flatly refuse to move there. To do without screams and tears, accustom your child to a new place gradually.
How to help a child adapt to a new place
First of all, it is important to preserve all the rituals that were before the transition to a separate sleep. Dressing into pajamas, cleaning toys, reading a fairy tale at night – no matter what you do before the department, be sure to repeat it in the same order.
After you laid the child, stay nearby until it falls asleep. You can lie down with it, if the size of the bed allows, or get nearby, so that in case of anxiety or tears, take by the hand, stroke and reassure.
The terms of adaptation of the child depend on age. Ksenia Nesyutina says that two -year -old kids may need several months to get used to the new bed. More adult children can get used to it earlier – in a few weeks.
When a child gets used to a new place, try to leave him for a while before he falls.
Ksenia Nesyutina
We sat with him for 15 minutes, then say: “That’s it, we will go brush your teeth, and for now, fall asleep”. After a while, return and look, whether he fell asleep or not. If everything went well, gradually increase the intervals of your absence.
The child must give the opportunity to calm down not due to the real presence of the mother, but thanks to her thoughts about her. And gradually the baby will learn to fall asleep on his own.
What problems can arise and how to deal with them
Each case is individual, but there are several common problems that parents often face.
The child cannot fall asleep without bodily contact
Ksenia Nesyutina says that many parents are not used to reassuring the child emotionally. If consolation always occurs through bodily contact – breastfeeding, hugs, swing on the handles – the baby gets used to the physical channel of reassurance and cannot switch to emotional.
And if infants really need touches, then at 3-4 years you may have enough of your presence and a soothing voice.
To teach the baby to cope without your mother’s hands and chest, review your ways of comfort.
If the child is upset, do not rush to grab him in his arms and give a pacifier or bottle. First, try to reassure in words or distract, and only if this does not work, go to the usual methods.
The child falls asleep for a very long time
Ksenia says that this problem is most often associated with insufficient rituals before going to bed. This is an important component of the regime that helps the child calm down and tune in to sleep.
Here are a few cases that can become part of the ritual:
- Ate the baby. Some children sleep well after water procedures, others, on the contrary, are excited from games in water. Try to arrange a bathing before going to bed and see how it will affect your child’s condition.
- Prepare the room. Turn off the light, and if the darkness scares the baby, buy a nightlight. You can also include quiet calm music or white noise.
- Dress the child into pajamas.
- Make a little massage. Light stroking and rubbing can reassure the child.
- Let the baby lay the toys to sleep or just wish them good night.
- Read the fairy tale. Choose small books so that reading takes a certain period of time. As an option – come up with your own stories, it is very exciting.
- Hug and kiss the child at night.
When choosing rituals, it is important that they are performed regularly and at the same time, and you also like both you and the child.
It is also worth taking care of what the baby will be busy in the evening – even before you start cooking it for bed. Somewhere an hour before going to bed, exclude outdoor games, tickling, running and other activity. Turn off cartoons and games on the ph1.
It is better to take a child with calm classes, for example, modeling, sorting figures or folding puzzles.
Write about your experience of transition to individual sleep in the comments.